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LENNY'S LIBERAL LETTERS
(SCROLL DOWN FOR PAST LETTERS)
1-20-06
HAPPY NEW 525,600 MINUTES!!! HAPPY NEW SEASON OF LOOOOVE!!!
 Well in my
first Liberal Lament for 2006 I wanted to start off by
wishing everyone a happy new year. But then I realized that
by doing so I would only be reinforcing the insensitive,
Christian, and American imperialist calendar we’re all
forced to conform to by our tyrannical Republican political
leaders, and our evil capitalist employers. How could I
just conform to this evil calendar when there are so many
other beautiful calendars that are just as good as the one
America uses?
For
example, Chinese New Year 4703 will be January 29, ushering
in another year of the dog. Jews just celebrated their new
year 5766 on Rosh Hashanah last October 4th.
Hindus in different parts of India celebrate new years at at
least four different times, and of course, our beautiful
Muslim brothers and sisters will celebrate their new year
1427 this January 31st.
And let’s
not forget about all the beautiful New Years traditions
of each culture, from our Mexican friends eating delicious
Menudo on New Years day, to our Appalachian and
southern friends eating black eyed peas for good luck. And
of course, the peaceful Chinese, who name each year after an
adorable animal, a beautiful tradition because it reminds us
to treat our fellow creatures with love and respect… instead
of killing them for sport like gun-toting Republicans and
the NRA like to do, and then eating them like planet
conquering carnivores!
With all
these various calendars and traditions all special to the
wonderful cultures of the world in their own unique ways,
it’s just impossible to say that one’s better than any
other—because all of us, all the people of the world, are
equal, and nobody…nobody… is better than anyone
else, and no one culture is better than any other culture
either! Hear that Christian, Republican American Pro-War
Imperialists!
(SAPPY!)
So instead of choosing between our culturally imperialistic,
evil Christian calendar of years, and one of the other
precious and beautiful calendars of the rest of the world, I
propose that we instead adopt a new, religiously-neutral,
culturally-nonbiased, and internationally-sensitive calendar
based not on the birth or activity of a divisive religious
icon, not on conventional scientific or astronomical
measurements…no, our new calendar will be based on
seasons…of LOVE, just like the song from the beautiful and
socially-aware broadway musical, RENT.
I just
can’t hold back the tears every time I hear that beautiful
song. And when the world has finally embraced a calendar
based not on religious dogma, not on hate…but instead based
on LOVE… then finally, once and for all, we’ll see the
dawning of a new era of peace, love, and understanding
between all the peoples of the world. And that, my liberal
friends, is my new years prayer to you, and to the world
this year.
This is
Lenny the Liberal saying, happy new 525,600 minutes! Gotta
go catch my fifth matinee in a row of RENT…bye bye!
READ
MY PREVIOUS "LIBERAL LETTERS"!...simply
click on the title to read the blog!
®Republican
Schwarzenegger Terminates Tookie! REST IN PEACE,
TOOKIE...WE'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!
®Kwanzaa...the
time When Even Anglos Like Me Celebrate Our African American
Roots!
®Bird
Flu: Bush's Secret Plan to Kill the Poor, Blacks and
Mexicans While Helping Texas Beef!
®First
Nixon, then DeLay, now Cunningham...could Bush/Cheney be
Next?! (I HOPE SO!)
®Thanksgiving,
a day to remember our brothers and sisters in the animal
kingdom lost to human gluttony.
®Solution
to the Border Crisis...Reunification with Mexico!!!
®Bill
Clinton...President of the World!
®Bush
caused French Riots, but Lenny is with France, and "OUI"
are with France!
®Philadelphia
Eagles exploit, fire Terrell Owens, Republican owned NFL
teaches violence to youth.
®Recent
elections prove what I've always known: Texans are BIGOTS!
(and Republicans)
®Las
Vegas Mayor Advocates Cruel and Unusual Punishment for
Graffiti!
®CBS
Movie about Republican Plot to Drown the Planet!
®Bush
and Scumsfeld start Concentration Camps!
®My
Dream Ticket: SHEEHAN-SHARPTON 2008!
®Liberal
TV at its BEST! ABC's Commander in Chief!
®Scariest
Halloween Costumes...#10 Barbara Bush, #9 Bill Frist...
12-16-05 REST IN
PEACE, TOOKIE…WE’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
 In
the wee small hours of Tuesday Morning, in a quiet area of
San Quentin State Penitentiary, a hate crime was committed
by the State of California’s evil, racist, and Republican
governor—Arnold Schwarzenegger—as he put to death a great
man, Stanley Williams, or as I liked to call him…Tookie… for
a crime he did not commit! You terminated an innocent man,
Terminator Schwarzenegger!
The death
penalty is never right, never deserved,
never ever! And especially not for a great
humanitarian, children’s book author, and Nobel Peace Prize
nominee like…TOOKIE! I miss you Tookie! I do……Sentenced to
death for four murders he didn’t commit, this man of peace
was beloved by everyone from Snoop Dogg to Al Sharpton, from
Jesse Jackson to the president of the European Union, all of
whom, like me, shared a special love for this wonderful,
beautiful African-American man. For, what does killing a
person do? Violence never solves anything, and
state-sanctioned murder is certainly the worst form of
violence. So what did you prove Governor Terminator by
killing poor Tookie!? I’ll tell you. It proves that
Republicans like Arnold Schwarzenegger don’t just play
Barbarians, commandos and futuristic killing machines in the
movies…they’re just as evil and murderous in real life
too!
While it
may be too late for Tookie, the rallying cry heard ‘round
the world as a result of this martyr for death penalty
awareness may help save the lives of countless others,
including the other great, humanitarian African-American
author and peace activist wrongly sentenced to die…Mumia
Abu-Jamal! Free Mumia! Yes, even in death Tookie’s
rallying cry for peace has spread even to the halls of the
European Union parliament who, on world human rights day,
called on the United States, as the world’s only democracy
where the death penalty is still used, to end the death
penalty once and for all, and to create a death penalty free
zone outside of Europe, just as Europe itself s a death
penalty free zone. Then, when the governments of the world
finally set an example of nonviolence by banning war and
capitol punishment, will the people who live in those
countries finally stop following their examples, and
violence, murder, and war as we know it, will finally
disappear from the earth…forever! And then, perhaps
just five years from now, when we celebrate the 30th
anniversary of the death of another great man of peace, John
Lennon, we can sing the song “Imagine” together as one world
family, one world, one people, no borders, and one world
government under Kofi Annan, Hillary Clinton, or best of
all, Jimmy Carter!
This is
Lenny the Liberal saying, rest in peace, Tookie…I MISS YOU!
12-9-05 Kwanzaa, the Time
When Even Anglos Celebrate our African Roots!
 Well
we’re already in the second week of December and I don’t
know about you, but in my house, everyone’s busy shopping,
decorating and getting in the Kwanza spirit! Yes, it’s
widely thought that Kwanza is a black holiday, but that’s
wrong. Kwanza is actually an African American holiday, and
therefore we should all celebrate Kwanza because we are all
African Americans! And while holidays like Christmas,
Hanukah and Ramadan are religious holidays and exclude and
ostracize our brothers and sisters in other cultures and
countries, Kwanza gives humanity the chance to celebrate our
unity, our oneness with each other, and the love for our
fellow humans…our fellow African American humans.
Although
my ethnicity is Anglo, and although you may be Anglo too,
most people aren’t aware of the fact that all of
humanity—including Anglos like me—is united by the fact that
beneath the multi-colored surfaces of our skin, we are all
African Americans. As everyone knows, even most black
people who call themselves African Americans have never even
been to Africa, and far fewer than that were actually born
there. That’s because the term African American refers to
the continent from which a person’s ancestors
originally came from—no matter how far back in time. And
since it’s a well-established fact of archaeology that the
entire human race can trace its roots back to Africa, that
makes us all African Americans, and we celebrate our
unity as African Americans on the first night of Kwanza by
lighting the candle of Umoja, which stands for
unity.
It truly
is a beautiful celebration, and I just can’t wait to
celebrate again this year with all my fellow African
Americans! And just like Christmas, New Years or any other
holiday, families have their own special “twist” on their
Kwanza celebrations. At my house, I like to bake cookies in
the shape of the African continent while we sing along to
African tribal music and meditate on our great, great,
great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great,
great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great,
great, great grandparents and how they must have felt on
that first Kwanza eve hundreds, if not thousands of years
ago.
So this
holiday season, no matter what religious observance you and
your family practice, don’t forget to light the candle of
Umoja on December 26th, the first night of
Kwanza, and a candle each night until new years through the
entire Kwanza season, and let it remind you that we are all
one, proud, human race…a proud African American human
race!
This is
Lenny the Liberal, saying “Kwa Herini!” That’s Swahili for
“Bye bye!”
12-2-05 Bird Flu:
Bush’s Secret Plot to Kill the Poor and Help Texas Beef!
 Well,
in spite of the Bush administration’s attempt to kill as
many poor and elderly last year because of their failure to
order enough doses of the flu vaccine, it didn’t stop them
from trying again this year! Yes, with its genetically
engineered super virus, also known by its more popular name
“Bird Flu,” George W. Bush is attempting to kill three
birds—and millions of poor, black, and Hispanic Americans—with
one stone—one evil, Republican pandemic stone!
You see,
everyone knows that chicken is not only the cheapest meat
and thus the only meat that the poorest Americans can afford
to eat, but the racist Republicans also believe—according to
their bigoted stereotypes—that when fried, it’s also the
favorite meat of African Americans, many of whom George W.
Bush already tried to kill in Hurricane Katrina, and when
wrapped in a tortilla, also the favorite meat of Mexicans,
in delicious burritos. By infecting the one corner
of the animal kingdom that is also the dietary staple of the
poor, blacks, and Mexicans in our country—birds—with
a horrible disease like Bird Flu, the GOP is clearly
targeting for extinction the three cornerstones of the
Democratic Party’s base. By the time we discover that bird
flu has been spread through WIC eggs and through economy
meals at Popeye’s Chicken and El Pollo Loco, millions of
poor, blacks and Hispanics will have already perished. And
for those infected, the ones most likely to die will be
those without health care—the poor!
But
killing the voting base of his political rivals isn’t Bush’s
only goal—he’s also engineered the Republican bird flu to
attack birds to help his Texan Republican BEEF and CATTLE
friends, the people whose money, votes, and political
dirty tricks are responsible for Bush robbing the Texas
governor’s office and the Oval Office. Yes, these
evil meat-eaters who believe that it’s OK to kill and eat
our beautiful, lovable and peaceful fellow mammals want to
eliminate competition from other meats—especially the only
meat that the poor can afford besides SPAM and Vienna
Sausages—chicken! So what better way to spread the
deadly flu to the poor than by infecting the only meat they
can afford?! And, what better way to ensure the success of
the beef industry than by crushing its competition?! This
is truly killing millions of birds and poor
Democratic voters with one cruel stone!
But it
doesn’t have to be this way. Like Amnesty International, I
believe that it is better to light one candle than to curse
the darkness, and in my liberal lament today, I light the
candle of peace, knowledge, and liberalism in the darkness
of the Bush-Rumsfeld-Cheney genocide.
Well gotta
run—I’m late to my winter solstice celebration! This is
Lenny the Liberal saying, “see you next time!”
P.S. If you would
like to be notified when my new blogs and podcasts are
updated, please send me an e-mail at
lennytheliberal@yahoo.com telling me, "Lenny, I want to
subscribe!"
11-29-05 First
Nixon, then Delay, now Cunningham…could Bush/Cheney be
Next!?
 It was
truly a beautiful thing when I turned on my solar-powered
renewable energy radio yesterday morning to NPR’s “Morning
Edition” and learned that another corrupt Republican (I
know, how redundant! They’re all corrupt!) had to
resign from something in shame. It’s getting to the point
that every time this happens, I fell like saying, “that’s
sooo Republican!
Yes, war
hero and now-former Congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham,
after repeated lies and denials about his guilt, finally was
forced into admitting what me and my fellow liberals have
known about him and his fellow House Republicans
forever—that you’re all crooks! Yes, just like Nixon
and DeLay before him, Randy Cunningham is simply the latest
Republican whose evil plots have been brought to light by
liberals—our society’s only true and trusted champions of
justice, love, human rights, and tolerance.
We can
only hope that the downfall and resignations of the likes of
DeLay and Cunningham, continuing the Republican tradition of
shame, disregard of authority, and resignation first ushered
into our modern political era by Richard Millhouse Nixon,
will foreshadow more, bigger, and better
downfalls—ultimately ending with (Mother Earth Willing!) the
modern day James Gang of American Politics…George W. Bush
and Dick Cheney, corrupt, evil war criminals par
excellence! Then, and only then, can we restore trust,
integrity, and credibility by ushering someone just, true,
and liberal into the Oval Office….someone with a love for
the poor, the underprivileged, and destitute….yes, someone
like Jimmy Carter!
Peace,
Love and Liberalism to all of you who suffer under Bush!
LTL
11-23-05
Thanksgiving, or as I prefer to call it, “Shame On
Carnivores Day!”
 As you
have probably noticed by now, there have been no blogs this
week, nor will there be a podcast this Friday either, in
solemn, mournful, and heavy-hearted remembrance of our
fellow creatures from the biological Kingdom Animalia (the
same scientific kingdom we barbarous humans belong
to!): the turkeys, the pigs, and the other fowl and mammals
that we ruthlessly slaughter, butcher, and eat merely for
our own selfish, hedonistic pleasure!!
Yes, under
the guise of a warm-hearted fun-filled day of family
togetherness, we shroud the holocaust of the hooved and the
taloned, the genocide of those too weak and powerless to
protect themselves against their human death bringers. And
if you will be sitting down tomorrow (Thanksgiving) to
“enjoy” (SADISTS!) a meal that includes the dead flesh of
our feathered brothers and sisters (God created us all!),
then you are as guilty as the turkey killer and pig
slaughterer of their murder! MURDER!
But it’s
not too late…you too can quit eating meat cold turkey,
if you’ll pardon the pun. Yes, what better day to do quit
doing something (eating meat in this case) in a way
euphemistically referred to as “cold turkey” than the day on
which most of your fellow Americans sit down to dine on what
else…turkey! So do it…don’t let the ordinarily evil
George W. Bush actually be the only one pardoning a turkey’s
life this Thanksgiving; do Shrub one better, and pardon the
lives of all the turkeys and other animals whose flesh you
would have eaten over the rest of your lives and join
me in the vegan revolution!
Peace,
liberalism, and goodwill toward men, women, transgenders,
and animals, LTL
11-18-05
MY SOLUTION TO THE BORDER CRISIS…REUNIFICATION WITH MEXICO!
 Much…if
not ALL…of the country we now call the “United States
of America” was stolen by the wealthy, white, Christian,
English-Speaking forefathers and ancestors of the leadership
of today’s Republican Party; stolen from the indigenous
peoples of this continent, stolen from the exploited French
in the Louisiana Purchase, and of course, stolen from our
neglected neighbors to the south, Mexico! And just like his
forefathers who stole this country, President George W
Bush—who STOLE his office from President Gore…that’s
right…PRESIDENT Gore—continues to attempt to deprive the
poor, huddled masses of “Mexico” of the right to re-enter
the land that was once theirs. Yes, they are yearning to
breathe free in their stolen homeland once again, where they
are forced to do the thankless, dirty jobs that wealthy,
white, Republicans are too good for!
And now,
adding insult to the shame of the theft of their own land,
the evil Republican lawmaker Duncan Hunter has proposed
erecting a fence between Mexico and the United States. This
is wrong, and you’re mean Mr. Hunter! Have
Republicans gotten so desperate that they want to emulate
the evil communists after World War II by building a Berlin
Wall of our own? Didn’t we learn to solve our differences
with peace, love, and David Hasselhof music under the
inspiration of President Gorbachev and his nonviolent
glasnost? Didn’t you hear Dolly Parton and Elton John
sing John Lennon’s “Imagine” on TV two nights ago?! It
was a beautiful song, beautiful like a border with no wall,
no fence, and no jack-booted Minutemen intimidating Mexicans
from returning to the land that’s rightfully theirs, and no
Border Patrol agents who are usually just Hispanic US
Citizens who have been forced by George W. Bush to sell out
their race! How would you like it if someone kicked you out
of your house, Mr. Hunter, and if the thieves who stole it
only let you come back in to do their laundry or clean their
toilets? I bet you wouldn’t like that one bit!
So instead
of a wall, I propose that we start by opening the border
once again to the people of Mexico, allowing them to return
to their land that was stolen from them so many years
ago. But we shouldn’t stop there…we should then invite
them to return, and instead of a barbed wire fence, Congress
should fund a huge, bright, beacon of light, welcoming our
peaceful and hard-working neighbors to the south back home.
Then, the legislatures of Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and
California should pass legislation seceding from the United
States and rejoining “Madre Mexico,” after which the
people of those new states of Mexico will celebrate with a
beautiful fiesta of reconciliation, reunion, and rellenos,
commemorating the righting of a gross, evil, Republican
crime of history!
Well,
that’s all for today. This is Lenny the Liberal saying,
“hasta luego, mis amigos,” I gotta go to my Spanish class so
I’ll be ready for Mexican reunification! Adios!
11-16-05
BILL CLINTON--PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD!
(By the
Way: I Just Subscribed to Esquire!)
 The
progressive, enlightened and beautiful Esquire Magazine has
just named former president, and one of the greatest
Americans of our time—Bill Clinton—“the most
influential man in the world!” Reading this over my organic
couscous at breakfast this morning made my eyes well up with
tears of joy…
It truly
is a beautiful thing that Esquire magazine has recognized
what the Republican Party, Phyllis Schlafly and Dr. James
Dobson will just never understand…that President William
Jefferson Clinton is not only one of the greatest Americans
to have ever lived, but he is also one of the greatest
people to have ever walked this earth. Yes, despite
Republican attempts to sabotage his presidency from Monica
Lewinsky’s lies about their affair that never happened, to
the FBI’s planting of President Clinton’s man-naise
on her famous blue dress, the insightful and brilliant
people at Esquire have designated MY president as
"the most powerful agent of change
in the world,” and Esquire editor David Granger said St.
Clinton was poised to become "something like a president of
the world or at least a president of the world's
non-governmental organizations." David Granger, can I buy
you a gourmet vegan dinner sometime and make a donation to
Greenpeace in your name? I LOVE YOU DAVID, for you tell the
truth about my beloved Bill.
So if you, like me, have been suffering ever since the evil
22nd amendment to the US constitution prevented
me from voting for my dear Bill a third time…do not
despair! For Esquire magazine has heralded what could be an
even BIGGER presidency for our precious Bill. President of
the World! I can just hear the NEW pledge of allegiance
now: “I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United
Nations of the World, and to its great president, Bill
Clinton, who leads it, one world, under Bill, with
liberalism, and peace, justice, and understanding for all
(including the impoverished, enslaved, and other forgotten
peoples oppressed by Bush and his evil allies around the
world).”
Peace, Love, and Bill Clinton to all--- Lenny
11-14-05
FRANCE, I
LOVE YOU! AND , “OUI” LOVE YOU TOO!
 Well,
“Bush the Belligerent” couldn’t actually “attack” France
militarily for it’s opposition to the war in Iraq, since it
is a NATO member (at least sometimes it is). So, apparently
Karl and Dick went back to the drawing board and came up
with another way to do France harm-RIOTS!
Yes, Karl
and Dick knew that the people of France aren’t bound by
draconian civil rights prohibitions like we have in America
thanks to the evil Republican patriot act, and knew
that they could rely on the poor, disaffected, and
ordinarily peaceful Muslim youths from the poor projects to
rise up and embarrass the Chirac-de Villepin government with
rioting, looting, and arson. This beautiful and peaceful
display of civil disobedience (there has been only one death
linked the demonstrations of protest, after all) by the
Muslim youths stands in stark contrast to the carnage that
would certainly ensue under the Bush-Rove-Cheney patriot act
which tramples our civil rights to express dissatisfaction
with our government and sanctions mass slaughter,
imprisonment, and torture as punishment of things that the
children of French foreigners have been wonderfully allowed
to continue doing for weeks by the wise and liberal French
government.
But don’t
worry George and Dick…France—just like it’s done with more
“overt” forms of American assistance in the past—will
rise again and be better than ever, and your efforts will
only backfire as urban renewal projects launched in the wake
of the riots will finally help the poor, minority, and
immigrant communities of suburban France—the very people you
always love to repress, suppress, and exploit around the
world.
So I say,
“Vive le France!” “Vive le Difference!” And more
importantly, “Vive Sheehan/Sharpton 2008!”
Peace,
love, and most of all, LIBERALISM! Le Lenny, le
Liberάl
11-11-05
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES EXPLOIT,
THEN FIRE DEMOCRAT TERRELL
OWENS
 This
week, the mean, white, Republican men who control the
National Football League and the Philadelphia Eagles
expelled a fine young African American player named Terrell
Owens, banishing him to the streets where he must try to eek
out a living all alone in the cold, Philadelphia winter.
The victim of constant exploitation and under-appreciation
by evil team owners and coaches, Terrell has been forced to
join the millions of other African American men who have
either lost their jobs or been incarcerated under the Bush
Presidency.
Poor Terrell, Angry!
But
Terrell Owens is only one example of the evils perpetuated
by the NFL. Indeed, there’s no sport more brutal and gender
discriminating than professional football. These men—and
ONLY men—take the field in uniforms and gear that
over-emphasize the masculine physique, and do battle against
other teams not for the cause of civil rights or racial
equality, not for the advancement of the rain forest or the
dolphins, but simply because of pride, money and fame. This
game also teaches brutality to our youth. It tells them,
“It’s OK to hit someone back when they hit you.” This is
evil and wrong! We should teach our children to listen, to
love, and always to understand.
So instead
of our current gender, racial and strength discriminating
NFL with it’s testosterone laden “Super Bowl” with overtly
sexual halftime shows and …there should instead be a
“National Friendship League,” complete with a
season-ending “Peace Bowl,” to promote the same harmony as
Ted Turner’s famous Goodwill Games. Instead of poor Terrell
Owens being an exploited endorser of big Republican-owned
businesses, players would support causes like the candidacy
of Howard Dean and Barak Obama without compensation, and
instead of being endorsed by shoe companies, they would be
endorsed by the Sierra Club and People for the American
Way. Teams would include players of all three genders…male,
female, and transgender, and instead of the
belligerent and provocative names of the current NFL, teams
would have more socially-conscious names like the
“Connecticut Conservation Corps,” the “Alabama Activists,”
the “Louisiana Liberals,” the “Colorado Compassion,” and the
“Seattle Sympathizers.”
Perhaps in
such a “National Friendship League” the unfair stereotype of
the uneducated African American athlete will be dispelled,
and a true humanitarian and good citizen like Terrell Owens
has a better chance of being appreciated like he deserves to
be.
This is
Lenny the Liberal saying, on fourth and goal on the one with
one second left in the game, don’t go for it, just give the
other team a big hug!
See you
next time! Lenny
the Linebacker...OOPS!
I mean Lenny the LIBERAL!!!
P.S. If you would
like to be notified when my new blogs and podcasts are
updated, please send me an e-mail at
lennytheliberal@yahoo.com telling me, "Lenny, I want to
subscribe!"
11-09-05
YESTERDAY'S ELECTIONS PROVE TEXANS ARE AS BIGOTED AS I
FEARED!
 State
and local elections took place across the country yesterday
and the overriding lesson learned by all Americans is this:
Texans are BIGOTS!
Yes,
yesterday the mean people of Texas showed us what “Four-H”
really means…hypocritical, heartless, hurtful and
homophobic! First, they robbed our gay and lesbian brothers
and sisters of their rights to marry one another, as if
Liberace marrying Rock Hudson would have hurt a fly. I mean
come on! Does the idea of Chastity Bono shacking up
with Ellen Degeneres really scare the people of Texas that
much? (OK, maybe that union does sound a little scary on
second thought…bad example) But what about Portia de Rossi
and Angelina Jolie? I don’t see how those two legally being
pronounced “wife and wife” would in any way threaten the
heterosexual unions of our lone star state. Actually, it’s
kind of hot! But yesterday’s results just ensured that all
those hot lesbo unions will go elsewhere, Texas—oh well—your
loss is our gain you homophobes!
Not only
are Texans homophobic, they’re also racist! In a town
called “White Settlement,” named for the white people that
settled among Native Americans there many years ago, the
residents had the chance to rename the town “West
Settlement” as suggested by some wise community leaders.
But no! These racists overwhelmingly decided to
cling to their anachronistic and mean city name by a
margin of 90 to 10%. Oh well…at least I applaud the valor
of the 10% minority who is always welcome to relocate to
northern California or perhaps Vermont should they get sick
of their bigoted bronco-busting brethren.
A
transgender friend of mine at the organic grocery this
morning asked me if I was surprised to learn of the results
of last night’s elections and ballot initiatives across the
“Lone Star State” (which, by the way, should be called the
“BONE head state.” And of course, I asked her…I mean,
him…(or is it her….umm….) well, I asked my friend “can you
expect anything less of the state that produced everyone
from both George Bushes to Tom Delay?” He…I mean she…I mean
he….oh well…my friend just chuckled and said to me,
“I guess not, Lenny, I guess not.”
Mournfully
lamenting the liberal-lacking lousiness of Tejas,
Lenny
11-07-05
EVIL LAS VEGAS MAYOR HAS NO HEART! (Clearly a
REPUBLICAN!)
 Clearly
possessed by the evil spirit of Karl Rove, Las Vegas Mayor
Oscar Goodman has abandoned his liberal faith (and, more
importantly, LOST HIS MIND!) as he has recently suggested
that poor, neglected graffiti artists should have their
thumbs brutally and inhumanely CUT OFF if they’re caught
doing graffiti. And worse, Mayor Oscar “Rove” Goodman has
also ranted that graffiti artists should receive corporeal
punishment, caning and whipping. When did Las Vegas
become Singapore Mayor Goodman? Don’t you watch Dr. Phil?
You should be called what you REALLY are…Mayor BAD-man!
These
innocent children who produce the beautiful images that
Republicans who don’t appreciate art call “graffiti,” are
simply expressing themselves through art in public places,
and haven’t hurt anyone or anything—they’ve just decorated!
But sadly, they are the children of parents who were
exploited, underpaid and then fired by wealthy
Bush-contributors, and who therefore couldn’t afford art
supplies or art classes for their children. These future
Picassos and Dalis are therefore forced to express their art
and poetry under the cover of darkness in public places, and
under the threat of arrest and persecution by heartless
devils like Las Vegas Mayor Oscar BAD-man. Oscar, pity, but
don’t persecute! Savor the art, don’t sever the finger!
Graffiti
would never be called a “problem” if the National Endowment
for the Arts, a federal agency more important than the
Department of Defense and the CIA, got the precious funding
it deserves! But years of Gingrich-Dole-Bush cuts of this
precious program have done nothing but kill the creativity
and threaten the thumbs of aspiring young Las Vegas
artists. So please…call or write your congresswomen and
tell them to double…no, triple…no, QUINTUPLE funding for the
NEA to it’s pre-Reagan levels, and help save the hands,
fingers and limbs of Las Vegas’ children from being
threatened by evil Republicans and their newest cruel
minion…Mayor Oscar BAD-man!
Peace,
love and liberalism for all—especially those in Las Vegas…
Lennie-Poo!
11-04-05 CBS MOVIE “CATEGORY 7, THE END OF THE
WORLD”
DETAILS
REPUBLICAN PLOT TO DROWN THE EARTH!
 For
years, only a small group of liberals like me, PBS,
Greenpeace and Bill Moyers, have known that Republicans and
Big Oil have been plotting to drown the earth and kill us
all by raping the land for fossil fuels, burning those
fossil fuels, ripping massive holes in our precious ozone,
melting Antarctica, and drowning us all! But fortunately,
as a public service, CBS will air a science REALITY movie
this weekend uncovering the whole evil Bush plot…called
“Category 7, the End of the World.”
The movie details the apocalyptic category seven hurricanes
that will destroy the earth once George Bush’s global
warming conspiracy is finally complete. The precious Eiffel
Tower will come crashing down in earthquakes, the great
pyramids of Egypt will fall in F-5 tornadoes, and Mt.
Rushmore—symbol of American imperialism—will defaced in
punishing rain storms—all caused by George W. Bush, Big Oil,
and Haliburton!
Since Republicans have created the extended hurricane storm
season, then we should reward them by naming the storms
after the culprits and all they hold dear! The first
hurricane will be hurricane A.N.W.A.R., in mournful
remembrance of the beautiful Alaskan land that Republicans
want to rape on behalf of their oil company friends. Next,
hurricane Bush…in honor of the whole evil family!
Then, hurricane Condoleeza for the woman who makes
foreigners hate us because we don’t care about global
warming treaties. The next named storm will be Delay,
for the master of campaign finance crimes. (Yes, Tom
doesn’t have anything to do with oil, but he still deserves
his own hurricane because he’s MEAN!) E is for
hurricane Exxon, who from the tanker Valdez to today,
continues to emit greenhouse gasses with the help of
Republicans.
That’s just the first five letters of the alphabet, but rest
assured, there are plenty more viscious Republicans to fill
up the whole storm season! So make sure all your family and
friends catch “Category 7, the End of the World” this
weekend, because only when people know where Republican
environmental policy will lead us will people be motivated
to stop it!
Peace, love and liberalism to all of you!..............The
Lennster!
11-03-05 MORE
EVIDENCE BUSH IS EVIL...CONCENTRATION CAMPS!!!
 Well
we knew it would happen…the Bush Administration has finally
started copying its heroes the Nazis by founding secret
concentration camps to house poor, innocent Iraqi, Afghan
and other Arab men deprived of their humanity and cruelly
and falsely accused of terror plots against the United
States. Deprived of their constitutional rights like an
assumption of innocence, right to counsel, and their right
to be free from cruel and unusual punishment, they’ve been
kidnapped by the jack-booted thugs of the CIA and held in
secret locations called “black sites,” named using the
racist terminology of the Bush Administration. Why can’t
you call them “White sites,” George? No doubt it’s because
Bush lives in the “White House” that they feel the opposite
should be the very racist color black. No doubt the racist
president was also behind the CBS show “The Amazing Race,”
where the one and only black family was not called by their
name but instead just called “the black family,” and worse,
they were kicked off the show first while all the white
families who were actually called by their names were
allowed to continue racing. Could CBS stand for
“Conservative Bush Station?” I WONDER!!!!!!
Anyway back to the poor
detainees as secret Bush-Cheney-Donald Scumsfeld
concentration camps. These prisoners, all captured because
they were at the wrong place at the wrong time, have
mommies, daddies, aunties and uncles, pet doggies and kitty
cats just like us, and they just want to go home and return
to their peaceful lives. But just because their names and
descriptions happened to show up on a terror wanted list,
the evil CIA kidnapped them and put them in these “black
sites” with torture tactics so bad that they make the
internment camps at Gitmo and Abu Graib look like
Disneyland. And just like the Nazi’s, some of George W.
Bush and Dick Cheney’s concentration camps are in Eastern
Europe too! Can you BELIEVE IT?! I can! IMPEACH
BUSH…IMPEACHMENT NOW!
I urge all of you to call your
congresswomen to urge them to get to the bottom of this, and
more importantly, to call and e-mail Amnesty International
and the Carter Center to tell them to intervene on behalf of
the poor Arab souls being held against their will by the
evil Bush administration. If we all “think peace,” we can
help them!
Peace, love
and liberalism….LTL
11-02-05 MY DREAM TICKET…SHEEHAN/SHARPTON
2008!
As I was reading through my
subscription copy of the Village Voice today, a warm,
beautiful feeling of “chi” energy spread through each and
every chakra of my body when I read that a campaign is
underway to draft the princess of peace, the mother of the
antiwar movement, and my close personal friend…CINDY
SHEEHAN…to run for president of the United States in 2008 to
unseat the tyrannical Republican party from the presidency
it stole from John Kerry in 2004.
Cindy would make a wonderful
and beautiful US president. In fact, I see her lack of
experience in public policy and politics as a plus, since
she would put a stop to the partisan squabbling that
typifies present-day Washington DC, and bring some
much-needed mothering to the troops serving under her as
commander in chief. Cindy would not only pull our troops
out of Iraq, but she would bring home each and every man and
woman in uniform serving outside the borders of the US, and
shrink the size of our armed forces by half…OR MORE! She
would also disband the Department of Defense, and lay the
foundation for its badly-needed replacement…a Department of
PEACE! Whatcha gonna do then Donald SCUMS-feld??! Cindy’s
getting your pink slip ready and she’s givin’ it to you the
second she’s inaugurated. (I can’t wait!)
But with the question of a
presidential candidacy comes the question of a running mate,
and although there are literally hundreds of well-qualified
liberals to round out the “Cindy Ticket”…people like Dan
Rather, Richard Gere, and Rosie O’Donnell…I do think it
would be wise to add someone to the ticket who would balance
the fact that Cindy has no previous elective experience, the
fact that she is a woman, and the fact that she is white
(since Diversity IS my middle name after all). For that
reason, I hereby nominate the Reverend Al Sharpton to be
Cindy’s veep. Al’s public policy expertise, campaign trail
prowess, and his gorgeous flowing locks are sure to convince
any voter not already swayed to vote for Cindy that she’s
the best choice to lead America into the next decade, and
into the United Nations of Peace World Government.
So next time you’re visiting
the permanent vigil to peace in Crawford, TX, make it a
point to say, “Run Cindy…RUN!” Peace, love, and liberalism
to all….LENNY! xoxo
11-01-05
LIBERAL TELEVISION AT ITS BEST! ABC'S COMMANDER
IN CHIEF
In this second “Liberal
Letter,” I want to take this opportunity to tell
America…no—to tell THE WORLD about my favorite television
program (next to anything on PBS hosted by Bill Moyers of
course)…it’s ABC’s brand new series “Commander in Chief,”
featuring Academy Award-winner Geena Davis as our first woman
president…and it’s on TONIGHT! (HEAR THAT SCOOTER LIBBY!? A WOMAN president who would never hire YOU!)
Yes, finally there’s a TV show
that isn’t afraid to portray a US president refusing to use
torture on anyone to prevent terror attacks (hear that Donny
Rummy Poo?), threatening to use Navy Seals to stop a non-US
citizen from being killed by a brutal regime, and being a
strong, liberal woman in the Oval Office! Thank Buddha,
Mohammed and Zoroaster for ABC and Gena Davis!
In honor of ABC and its liberal
masterpiece “Commander in Chief,” I want to share with you
the “ABC’s of Liberal Values.” First, “A” is for “ACLU,”
the most precious organization to all peace-loving,
Republican-hating liberals. Next, “B” is for “Bill
Clinton,” the greatest president of the last 20 years, and
the second greatest president next to “C,” Carter…Jimmy
Carter, THE greatest liberal president our country has ever
had. “D” is for the “Democratic” party, our savior in the
battle against the evil Republican party, George W. Bush and
Karl Rove. And finally, the last of the “ABC’s of Liberal
Values” is “E,” which is for EQUALITY…the core value of
liberalism that the previous four values…the ACLU, Bill,
Jimmy, and their Democratic Party fight for each day and
night.
So as you settle in to enjoy
Tuesday night prime time television, don’t forget to watch
the majestic Gena Davis on a television show that embodies
the “ABC’s of Liberal Values,” and which coincidentally airs
on the ABC television network… “Commander in Chief”…and as
you watch, dream with me of the day that we will not only
vote for, but witness the inauguration of our first woman
president—possibly Hillary, possibly Oprah—and watch with
joy in our bleeding hearts as she escorts her wife to all
the inaugural balls—YES JERRY FALWELL, I SAID WIFE—SHE MIGHT
JUST BE A LESBIAN YOU KNOW!
Peace, love and
liberalism….Lenny!
10-31-05 LENNY'S
SCARIEST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES OF 2005
 Well, it's Halloween
again and kids keep asking me, "Lenny, what's the scariest
costume of all? Is it a vampire? Ghost?
Frankenstein?" No, kids, Uncle Lenny hates to say it,
but none of these are on the top ten list this year, because
this year, just like every year before this one, the top ten
scariest costumes are all REPUBLICANS!!! (Who else?) SCARY!!!
Let's start with
#10...it's the ghoulish Barbara Bush costume, featuring her
racist comments about Katrina refugees. Can we
be so surprised that her son George W. didn't care about
Katrina's victims? The apple doesn't fall far from the
tree Barbara! You're MEAN!
#9 is Bill Frist...who
needs Dr. Frankenstein when you've got Dr. Frist getting
sweetheart deals on stock sales? Scary!
#8 is Newt Gingrich.
Newt has been showing up on TV lately, and sometimes he
actually criticizes the current Republican administration.
But we know what he's up to, and we don't forget about his
"Contract ON America," or the fact that his name sounds like
Dr. Seuss's GRINCH. We've got your number Newt
Ging-GRINCH!
#7 is Condoleeza
Rice...she's scary because she gets our country into
wars...SCARY CONDOLEEZA! OOOOHHH!!!
#6 is Donald Scumsfeld...Rummy
is scary because he has no conscience...and he's UGLY AND
MEAN with scary eyeglasses! Resign Rummy!
RESIGN!
#5...SCOOTER LIBBY!
He's indicted, he's evil, and he "outs" spies like the
Enquirer outs gay celebs. Now THAT'S scary!
#4 is Haley Barbour, who,
in addition to being a scary Republican Governor, is also
the CREATOR of Hurricane Katrina because his policies as RNC
Chair in the 90's led to the global warming that spawned
Katrina. Impeach Haley! Impeach Haley!
#3 is Tom Delay.
You don't need a mask when you already look like Tom
Delay...and that HAIR! Makes anyone with eyes TREMBLE
in FEAR! Is there an uglier Republican than Tom?
#2 is Karl Rove.
Karl says he used to read Kant and Hegel in grade school...KANT AND
HEGEL IN GRADE SCHOOL?! No scary character in a
Hollywood horror movie is as frightening as this actual
historical fact about Karl!!!
#1 is "W" himself...the
man responsible for putting numbers 10 through 2 on the
list, and the most sinister of all. Hillary and Oprah
in 2008!
So remember tonight as
you trick or treat...those ghouls and goblins at your door
trick or treating are nowhere near as scary as the MEN AND
WOMEN RUNNING OUR GOVERNMENT IN WASHINGTON, DC!!! See
you tomorrow!
Peace, love and
liberalism!........Lenny
*I update "The
Liberal Letter," Wed and Fri., and my podcast, "The Liberal
Lament," every Friday!
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